American author Joy Chen offered dating advice for young Chinese women. “If (you) are on a date,” she said, “presenting how awesome and impressive we are at work might not be the best way to impress a man.” Chen, a former deputy mayor of Los Angeles and a successful businesswoman, is the author of the Chinese language book, “Do Not Marry Before Age 30,” in which she urges women to pursue their careers while postponing marriage. But that can be a risky strategy in China, where single women over 30, and even in their mid- to-late 20s, can find themselves branded as “leftover women.” If they’re 31 and not married, they’re considered over the hill, and that’s “a complete travesty!” Chen exclaims.

“These women are just women who’ve been playing by the rules, achieving as they’ve been taught to achieve since they were little, getting great grades, going off to great schools, getting great jobs.” Then, in their mid-20s, she says, the rules change. “And then, suddenly, it’s like Bammo! Wham! No! Don’t achieve — you don’t want to scare the boys. Slow down and jump back into your traditional roles as a wife and a mother.”

Marry young – and jump into women’s traditional role as wife and mother – or risk being a leftover woman. It’s unfortunate that this double standard exists for women. What are your thoughts on this? Are successful women more intimidating for men? Learn more about Joy Chen’s book here. If you can read Chinese, check out an excerpt here. An English translation of the book may be available in the future.

Career vs husband : plight of young “Leftover Women” in China

Translated excerpt from “Do Not Marry Before Age 30”

For our mothers and grandmothers, a man was husband material if he had a job, didn’t drink too much, and didn’t beat you. That doesn’t cut it for us. We don’t want just any man; we want a good man. We don’t want a marriage based on duty. We want love. In the words of the idealistic Charlotte in Sex and the City, we want to “dream the impossible dream!”

And that’s just in the marriage department. In our careers, we want to soar as well. We worked – so hard – for all that education, and now we want to put it to use and do something. We don’t want to just survive in society. We want to lead society.

And so we find ourselves at this strange in-between moment in Chinese history. We’re surrounded by people who tell us that what we’re looking for is unrealistic. They tell us to hurry up, settle down, make a baby. And yet… we can’t. Now that we want more, we can’t go back to wanting less. No longer can we live out our lives by simply going along with what’s expected of us.

We’re the first generation of women who want it all.

The possibilities ahead seem endless, and that’s exhilarating. But at the same time, they’re deeply confusing. Now that we can do anything, what should we do?

This is a book of strategy. I do not have all the answers. I have not learned all of life’s lessons. I still have a lot of living to do myself.

You may or may not agree with everything I have to say. My goal is not to convince you of anything, but simply to start a conversation: Here’s what I think. What do you think?